Do you see yourself saying “yes” to almost everything?

That extra project. That meet up with friends. That request to help someone.

Saying no without guilt is hard.

Why do you say yes when you want to say no?

Either you care about the relationship with that person. (Relationships)

Or you care about what they are going to say about you. (Reputation)

Here’s the thing.

You are falling into the House of Cards trap.

Each time you say yes, you are adding more cards to an increasingly fragile house of cards that’s going to collapse at some point.

Yes, they like you now.

But in the long term, will you still be able to deliver quality work?

I don’t think so - at least for myself.

I started feeling frustrated when others violated my boundaries.

The more I say yes when I mean no, the more frustrated I get.

How can we stop that? By setting healthy boundaries.

Today, I’ll share 3 important concepts about setting healthy boundaries.

Why is setting healthy boundaries important 🚧 ?

It maintains healthy relationships with your friends, partner, co-workers, bosses and family.

It’s a form of self-care and self-respect. ❤️

How to set healthy boundaries?

1. Know your garden

Know what you want.

When to say yes or no.

And what makes you feel safe (or not).

Define your boundaries based on your past experiences.

Add new ones when you discover more.

Some of my boundaries:

• I don’t allow others to force their opinions on me.

• I don’t do work outside of working hours.

• I prioritise myself.

💡 Tip: Observe your emotions

Start observing your emotions - and label them.

You can try “How You Feel” app to track your emotions.

Emotions are often messages to take action.

What is this emotion trying to tell me?

2. Setting up your fences

After knowing your boundaries, you need to communicate your boundaries.

Be transparent about what you don’t want.

If not, how else will they know?

How I’d communicate my boundaries:

• I understand we see things differently and I respect your opinions, but please don’t force it on me.

• I’m currently on medical leave, I'll get back to you on the next working day.

• I don’t have the energy to help you with (your request) now, but (this resource) may help.

💡 Tip: Appreciate instead of apologising

Reframing is very powerful.

Instead of saying "I’m sorry”, say “thank you”.

It helps to improve your confidence.

And you will start to feel a sense of empowerment.

Less self-blaming, less guilt.

Stop apologising for something that was not intended.

Save it for times when an apology is necessary.

Some examples:

• Sorry for rescheduling. → Thank you for being flexible.

• Sorry for the mistake. → Thank you for catching that.

• Sorry for disturbing you. → Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule.

3. Keeping your fences up

Protect your safe space.

Enforce your boundaries, and draw a line when your boundary is crossed.

Have a clear and specific consequence for crossing a boundary.

Always choose consequences that you can follow through on.

And be consistent.

How I enforce my boundaries:

• When others force their opinions on me = change the topic.

• When colleagues message me outside of working hours = no replies from me.

• I say no to new activities on days that I’ve preplanned activities.

💡 Tip: It’s okay to bend your rules - IF YOU CHOOSE TO

Have exceptions where it’s alright to bend your rules.

But if you bend them every day - it’s not a rule anymore that others will respect.

For example when something more important and urgent crop up - that might become a higher priority that allows you to bend your rules.

It is not easy to define, communicate & enforce your boundaries.

But it’s even harder to have your boundaries violated and leave you feeling frustrated.

See you again next Tuesday! 💙

Cheers,

P.S. I’m thinking of creating a Personal Boundary worksheet, would you be keen? Let me know!